So Sad

So I couldn' t sleep...same as the last 3 nights. I came down to find that the results of Mike's ball tryouts were posted. Every boy we know made the team, including Carlin who is two years too young. I am so disapointed for him. He will be sad I know. It makes me want to quit, so I can only imagine how it will make him feel. A few of the boys that made it...makes me a bit bitter. I am proud of myself though. I just sat here and was sad. I didn't run to the kitchen to eat. Oh don't get me wrong...the thought ran through my head, but instead I just sat here and let myself be sad...sad that my son didn't get what we all wanted for him.

Missing Food

I miss food. I miss pizza, and burgers and chocolate. I really want Sweet and Sour chicken balls and rice. Uh...tomorrow I can't eat anymore cucumbers. I think maybe I will try mushrooms. Maybe that will be ok. I weigh in tomorrow morning. I know I have lost. My scale says about 2 more pounds. That should make it 4 pounds. All this work for 4 pounds. Will be worth it I know but frigin frackin...I'm hungry. Michael is playing baseball tomorrow. The girls hate going and I hate leaving them so much. I love watching him play, as much as I love watching becca sing and dance and Jen...well I love watching Jen do anything. I am going to do cardio in the morning. It's going to hurt. Boobs like mine are not meant to do cardio...but I must try!!

Happy Sunday

It is cloudy today. I didn't sleep well. I haven't been sleeping very good for about 3 nights now. It really bites. I have been good with my food, but man is it hard. No junk for almost 5 days now. Just Tea...no coffee. I miss cake and chocolate so bad. I wish I was one of those people who were just naturally skinny. I think I need to start working out tomorrow. If not for me...then for Allen. If I drag my butt down there...to our basement full of equipment collecting dust...then he will too. He is being very sweet to me...only cause he thinks I am cranky. Only a few more weeks of school...that is a relief. The girls are happy..but Michael is sad. He loves school. That is why I hope he makes Summer Baseball. We'll know later today.

4am and twitching like crazy

I wish I was sleeping! I wish I wasn't twitching like a crazy person. I want Cookies...and chocolate and uh!!!! EVERYTHING!! I can't sleep. So I type. The birds are chirping outside already. Today is my sleep in day...and it's 4am on Saturday and I can't sleep cause I am going through withdral. How fun! My legs hurt, my arms hurt.

Down 2 pounds

So I weighted in this morning...and I am down 2 pounds. It seems like such a lot of work for 2 pounds. It is going to be a long month. How many pounds can I loose??? I am contiplating starting to work out again...but I don't wanna gain any weight by adding muscle. It is Friday today. One of the first Friday's where when Allen asked "what do we have today?" I got to say...NOTHING!!! I am having issues with all the veggies...I always do. The headache seems to be gone...but it's only 315 pm...so my nightly one could still come back.

Like a Junkie

So Allen says I'm like a junkie coming off of drugs. Headaches, shakes, cranky....I am sure that I am not as extreme as a junkie...but close enough. I went to bed early last night because I had a bad headache again. I cut out one of my fruits in hopes that I won't loose it all for the weekend. I have a good idea that's what is going to happen anyway. My body is like...WTF? No cofee since Tuesday...I miss it, but as comfort only really. I decided I don't like coffee...I like cream and sugar. If I can't drink it black...I shouldn't drink it at all. I am determined which is good, but it feels like a slow process.

Afternoon from Hell

SO it is 5 pm. I have fighting kids, an aching husband...and a Wopper of a headache. So I weighed in at 166..ho hum. SO sad to think all my hard work didn't pay off...and stay off. I haven't cheated today....THANK GOD. Mike has a friend over and they are dancing, Jennifer has a friend over and they are singing...Becca has a stye on her eye and I had to leave work to bring her home from school. Today has not been a great day. The rain isn't helping. I'll be happy when it's all over.