Blogging in my head

I have been blogging in my head all day. All the things I needed to write down as my day went along. NOW...do you think I can remember any of them?? Nope. I miss food. I am stuck at 157 pounds and can't seem to drop. I was so tired. It feels like it is taking a long time to loose this weight. I should hate myself for ever letting me get back to this point. My pants are getting looser so that is a good sign...now if the scale would just drop. the veggies are killing me. I hate them. I would rather just not eat...but that is probably part of the reason I'm not loosing like I want to be. I think I only have one week left and I am only down 9 pounds still. What happens when my month is up and I haven't lost it all? Do I challenge them. Oh I can't even go there.

Am I glad this days over

When bad days get worse sometimes I just wish I could go back to bed and start over. I didn't overeat today which was the best part of my day. I was somewhat stressed and I made it thought...hooray!!!

Two weeks in

I haven't blogged because I haven't wanted to. I am two weeks in...and 9 pounds down. I had a full week of staying @ 160 pounds and that sucked. For the most part I am not hungry. I want to eat just for the sake of eating, but I am not hungry. I haven't cheated unless you count the smiggen of brownie I pulled off the knife last night...but I don't! I really want fries at work. Everyone and there dog ordered poutine today...it was like a sign...someone saying...EAT POUTINE!!! I love poutine. Love food period. I had so much energy yesterday but today...poof goners!

There is only a few days left of school, and then a summer with my children. I am going to need to keep a close eye on the bigger two...they seem to be doing things without telling me and that scares me a bit. Michael made the 3rd teir team for baseball so for the most part that will keep him busy. If I get desperate I will ship them to Auntie or to spend a night with Jubee. They like it there too. My left knee is really soar, I don't know what I did. I started working out...only 3 times so far, but maybe I pulled something??? I have a headache, I am hoping a good night sleep will get rid of it. I need to loose another 10 pounds before Wendover. That is just over 2 weeks away. I HAVE TO do it!! We are looking at Vegas in August and I want to go...but I want to have all my weight off first. Can I don another month of this? I am unsure. Two more weeks for sure...then we'll see.

over and done with

This day is over and done with and I am glad. I am stressed about Rebecca's b-day party. It will be a busy day tomorrow...can I get it all done. I am missing food again. We have brownie and cookies in the house and that is making it hard.

Dreading today

So I have been dreading today because it is going to be a rough one at work. I can feel it. Have I worked out once yet? NO!! I need that stress relief....maybe tomorrow. WHo am I kidding Friday's are nuts. I am not hungry really anymore...but it is grey and cold outside so I am a bit sad. This nasty weather is killing my mood. Where is the June sunshine?

Wednesday June 16 2010

Down .6 today so for my first week I am down 6.6 pounds. Not to shabby. It wasn't easy. It is Becca's birthday today and while everyone was eating pizza I was eating salad and crab. Yes I do love crab...but I miss butter and that pizza looked so good. I just didn't even think about how much I was missing it until right now...and now it's all gone. I sent it all home with the folks...so no pizza for me. I am feeling better, still stressed at work, but I am hoping that all changes tomorrow. I am worried about the outcome. I hope that no feelings are hurt and that the situation can be resolved. The joys of having lots of women working in a small enviroment...you get drama.

My baby turned 12 today. 12 years ago I was an overwhelmed new mom....and now it feels like I have always been a mom. It's weird to think I have a 12 year old. She was such a good baby. So happy and cute. I hope the next few years will be ok.

Issac and all the family came to dinner. Man is he a cutie. Jen and Allen were up to there usual tricks...driving me crazy!!!

Oh boy

My day is over. I will look back on this day 6 months from now and be proud. Proud that I didn't eat while stressed. That is all I can say about this day!

So Sad

So I couldn' t sleep...same as the last 3 nights. I came down to find that the results of Mike's ball tryouts were posted. Every boy we know made the team, including Carlin who is two years too young. I am so disapointed for him. He will be sad I know. It makes me want to quit, so I can only imagine how it will make him feel. A few of the boys that made it...makes me a bit bitter. I am proud of myself though. I just sat here and was sad. I didn't run to the kitchen to eat. Oh don't get me wrong...the thought ran through my head, but instead I just sat here and let myself be sad...sad that my son didn't get what we all wanted for him.

Missing Food

I miss food. I miss pizza, and burgers and chocolate. I really want Sweet and Sour chicken balls and rice. Uh...tomorrow I can't eat anymore cucumbers. I think maybe I will try mushrooms. Maybe that will be ok. I weigh in tomorrow morning. I know I have lost. My scale says about 2 more pounds. That should make it 4 pounds. All this work for 4 pounds. Will be worth it I know but frigin frackin...I'm hungry. Michael is playing baseball tomorrow. The girls hate going and I hate leaving them so much. I love watching him play, as much as I love watching becca sing and dance and Jen...well I love watching Jen do anything. I am going to do cardio in the morning. It's going to hurt. Boobs like mine are not meant to do cardio...but I must try!!

Happy Sunday

It is cloudy today. I didn't sleep well. I haven't been sleeping very good for about 3 nights now. It really bites. I have been good with my food, but man is it hard. No junk for almost 5 days now. Just Tea...no coffee. I miss cake and chocolate so bad. I wish I was one of those people who were just naturally skinny. I think I need to start working out tomorrow. If not for me...then for Allen. If I drag my butt down there...to our basement full of equipment collecting dust...then he will too. He is being very sweet to me...only cause he thinks I am cranky. Only a few more weeks of school...that is a relief. The girls are happy..but Michael is sad. He loves school. That is why I hope he makes Summer Baseball. We'll know later today.

4am and twitching like crazy

I wish I was sleeping! I wish I wasn't twitching like a crazy person. I want Cookies...and chocolate and uh!!!! EVERYTHING!! I can't sleep. So I type. The birds are chirping outside already. Today is my sleep in day...and it's 4am on Saturday and I can't sleep cause I am going through withdral. How fun! My legs hurt, my arms hurt.

Down 2 pounds

So I weighted in this morning...and I am down 2 pounds. It seems like such a lot of work for 2 pounds. It is going to be a long month. How many pounds can I loose??? I am contiplating starting to work out again...but I don't wanna gain any weight by adding muscle. It is Friday today. One of the first Friday's where when Allen asked "what do we have today?" I got to say...NOTHING!!! I am having issues with all the veggies...I always do. The headache seems to be gone...but it's only 315 pm...so my nightly one could still come back.

Like a Junkie

So Allen says I'm like a junkie coming off of drugs. Headaches, shakes, cranky....I am sure that I am not as extreme as a junkie...but close enough. I went to bed early last night because I had a bad headache again. I cut out one of my fruits in hopes that I won't loose it all for the weekend. I have a good idea that's what is going to happen anyway. My body is like...WTF? No cofee since Tuesday...I miss it, but as comfort only really. I decided I don't like coffee...I like cream and sugar. If I can't drink it black...I shouldn't drink it at all. I am determined which is good, but it feels like a slow process.

Afternoon from Hell

SO it is 5 pm. I have fighting kids, an aching husband...and a Wopper of a headache. So I weighed in at 166..ho hum. SO sad to think all my hard work didn't pay off...and stay off. I haven't cheated today....THANK GOD. Mike has a friend over and they are dancing, Jennifer has a friend over and they are singing...Becca has a stye on her eye and I had to leave work to bring her home from school. Today has not been a great day. The rain isn't helping. I'll be happy when it's all over.

Tuesday night

So my day started out ok. I didn't eat breakfast...big mistake. So while I was doing my running around I had an O'Henry bar for breakie...pretty smart right. I picked up a bday cake for Cass...but was good and didn't have any. I decided to bring Triple O's to Tanya and we had that as my last "lunch" before Dr. B....uh right. But it was good, and I love our food at work. IT's going to be hard not to eat it. I did drink LOTs of water. I was tired at 3 pm...really wanted a coffee or tea, but I didn't do it! Dinner...waffles. UH!! I love bread. I can do this right????

I yelled at my kids cause I am cranky...over watch batteries and school projects. WHY do teachers insist of giving projects with two weeks left of school? I don't understand. Do they think that parents have nothing better to do? Jenny is VIP at school tomorrow. I didn't even ask her what she needed...cause I didn't want to have to get it or make it. BAD MOM!!!

They ask me for so much sometimes I just want to scream. Why don't they ever ask ALllen??? When they need something it falls to me and right now...I need them to need dad too...Not going to happen right?

I picked Jen up at school today...I try to avoid it cause people look at me with those eyes. You know the one's. AH...she gained back all her weight eyes. I don't get those mom's who for the past 6 years have not gained one pound. They look exactly the way they did the day I met them. Do they never eat a peice of birthday cake? Do they never have french fries? Is that what my life is going to be forever...Chicken and salad....oh joy!!! I needed to vent...I am stressed about tomorrow. Can I do this...the money part sucks too...but ALlen hasn't said anything yet!!

Wish me luck, tomorrow is my first morning...sans coffee :(

Tuesday

So far so good...I only had one cup of coffee yesterday and today. Tomorrow...that's it. NO more. I will be cranky for a bit I am sure, so watch out! I ate WAY to much yesterday too, but no sugar (unless you count the two blue whales I snuck out of the 5cent candy bins!). My mind is starting to adjust which is good. I am not working today, so that I can go see Isaac. I haven't seen my nephew in a few weeks and I miss him. (my sister too). It is a sunny day, Allen should be golfing...but I don't wanna work, so now he has to :( Can I cut back the amount of food today...I hope so or tomorrow will be a messy day. I didn't eat anything after dinner last night!!! Watched t.v. with no food. I did drink lots of water so that is good.

Monday...and we begin with Tears!

So I phoned Dr. B today and started back up. I sat at the kitchen table for over 15 minutes looking at the phone # and wishing I didn't have to pick up the phone and call. Eventually Allen came over, dialed the phone, stuck it to my ear, and made me talk. I hung up...and the tears started. I know what I am in for. I know how hard it will be...and it is going to suck. I have already heard "your not going back there again are you?" so that always makes it easier to start again...NOT!
Things are crazy with the kids right now, and while I am out driving I want donuts, and burgers, and coffee...it is way to hard. Why do I have to love food so much? I would say it's genetic...which is possible, but I have been skinny before..and was for most of my 20's...but 30 is hard. The muffin top, and the rolls around my but are killing me. I have a bathing suit hanging on the back of my bathroom door. It's been there for almost 8 months. It didn't fit when I bought it, and it is really cute. Can I get into that suit soon? I hope so.

Sunday June 6, 2010

Just checking to see if this works....